Sunday, May 28, 2017

Damn this creative block!!

So, I searched for an article today that would make me feel better about myself. I have been a creative "dabbler" for months, but haven't put any serious effort in to creating something real, tangible or meaningful.

This is not like me! I've become really really good at drinking wine, though, and after months of learning how to drink lots of expensive wine with wild abandon, and believing that that constitutes a great amount of creativity (i.e. tonight I went off of Whole30 and drank not only two glasses of wine (gasp!) but also a dirty martini! Yay!.....mmm...... (uh, yeah and here I am writing a post that I might regret later........because those sentences make me sound like a compulsive drinker....... which I am not.)

So. Here I am. Sorry to sound like a whiner, but I have a sucky job. In a cubicle. With greyish brown cubicle walls. In a room windowless with 31 other like people. (Like, as in equally agreeable in that our jobs suck). Those of you that know me, know that that environment sucks not only my will to live, but also any creative impulse right out of me. My job is the only sucky thing in my life. I have a wonderful family - smart siblings (my sister, who is sitting 2 feet to my left and insists I say this, is the smartest and best of all, and her husband cooks a mean salmon), funny and crotchety elderly mother, loving and caring husband, sweet, dear, incredibly intelligent daughter, a roomful of funny, intelligent and wonderful coworkers, and a network of spectacular women friends. I am truly blessed. 

My problem is, that for months, I have had the worst creative block! I started a maxi skirt, but my attempt at making it longer failed ( I am NOT indulging in negative self talk, it's just a fact), and I threw it in to my sewing cart, and have struggled to ignore the call to complete that it has harkened since. I created a "going away" book for a work friend, and I created that icky "shabby chic" garland I posted a few months ago, but besides that I haven't really engaged my heart and soul in to something that incites a fire. That prompts an emotional response. That requires a dive in to the emotional pool of love, gratitude, love or regret that emits the best art.

So, here's the deal. We're moving. From Portland. Yes, I know. Portland has been where everyone moves TO for a few years, not FROM. And, guess where we're moving??? Coeur D'Alene! I know, right? And, no, you meanies out there, it is not full of white supremacists any more. In fact, the damn Californians are now moving hundreds of miles east of Portland! My hope is that once I get through the hell of job searching, the heck of home hunting (it's so fun, but so stressful!........ I've never sold a house!), and the mess that goes with all of that (maybe I'll have the guts to write about transitioning a 13 year old girl to a new state at another time), I will settle in to a wonderful new creative space and create the bejeezus out of something great. I also firmly believe that the beauty of Idaho is going to ignite a physical reaction in me that is going to prompt me to buy a super cool and super expensive road bike. That way my creative juices will get pumping along with the blood and sweat and I'll since down and experience creative genius!!

For now, I leaving you with the article I found. I'm going to take the advice. Starting with sleep. I've been forcing myself to stay in bed when I awake at 4am lately, and it's been working so well that I've been arriving late to work. And oh my god.... exercise! Despite my bad knees, I need to do major squats to rid myself of the "mom butt" I've adapted since losing all of my weight and entering the wonderful world of menopause.

I'm signing off because the said smartest and best of all sister from above is beckoning me to her hot tub. (I bought one of those skirt bathing suits at Kohl's today especially for this occaision).

Here's a creative prompt: "Good artists copy, great artists steal.  - Pablo Picasso"

And the article:

Craft on luv bugs!

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

My Brain on Positive Thoughts

It still amazes me how brains communicate with you when you sleep. My woke me up at 5:08 am this morning to tell me that I am basically a positive person, but I sure don't sound like it some times, and I definitely don't project it outwards.

She's got a point. Here's a short example that speaks volumes. First, When I pass folks in the hall at work and they ask me how I am, I tell them I am "Good". (Which isn't a state of being at all, I should say "Well")  This response is meant for the situations in which the inquirer is someone I don't know that well, but am respectably happy to see, or executives who don't really care what my answer is.  If the inquirer is a current friend, they already know how I am and will say a smart ass comment. If they are a past cube neighbor, team member, or boss, they know I'm not in the best place in my career, and still smarting a bit from being out sourced, so they'll just accept an eye roll or heavy sigh, and we'll agree to meet soon. But, if it is a current coworker/friend/cube neighbor/team member............ I will grumble a negative comment. Why do I do that?? Positive people don't do that! My friend Michaela is a model positive human. She lets anything that's not going to kill her or anyone else roll off her back, and if anything negative starts to get to her, she rolls up her sleeves and combats it until it's resolved.

Second, I call myself a "venter". Definition: someone who has to talk through their anger at a situation or person to gain empathy, insight, validation or resolution. But as I age, I realize I really sound like a negative bitch sometimes. What's weird is I usually reserve it for Girls Night Out or work lunches or drinks with a neighbor. Those are horrible times to do it. I'm supposed to have fun and celebrate friendship at those times! So, I've decided I can do one of two things. Seek therapeutic coaching. Or two, text and call a bestie, whine and moan for a few minutes, then save the happy how do you do's and here's what I'm up to's for when you are together. (My brain probably told me this today to make sure I remember all of this this weekend when a group of girlfriends and I are traveling for a trip to Seattle. She wants me to keep my answers positive).

The idea from Scratch Made Market came during a conversation such as the latter. "I'm thinking of doing a market and I'd like your help", my friend Jenn told me one night. Of course I jumped at the chance because 1. Jenn is one of my favorite people in the whole world. 2. Jenn is one of the smartest people I know. 3. Jenn is one of the funniest people I know. 4. Jenn and I are both creative. 5. We both love vintage shops, shows, and repurposing wares. 6. Most of all, we respect art, artists, the artistic process, and creativity in all forms.

So, here we are. Our third annual Scratch Made Market. It's not the largest location where we've held it, but it sure is the fanciest, and we're grateful for the folks at the lodge. We've got a lot of work to do. Advertising, Artist judging, decorations, layouts, musicians booked, and more, but we love the process. And now that I'm going to be done with PTA in a month, I'm excited to make it my focus. AND, I'll be able to create again. Projects will be for me and the ones I love. Not posters, flyers, and handouts for the school that I love. 

I'm positive that this year's Scratch Made will be awesome.